Sister spent large amount of my parents' money while living with my mother after our father's death. With my mother's permission, she attend...

Question

Sister spent large amount of my parents' money while living with my mother after our father's death. With my mother's permission, she attended 4 years of professional school (law), never worked, (still doesn't), and traveled the nation and world extensively, including several trips to Paris and Spain. Hawaii and the Orient. While Mother, not an invalid but not safely left alone for long periods, was well cared for, (sister would hire nurses at $5K per weekend, more per week, while she traveled ), by the time Mother passed, there was little left to share, but was distributed between us per my parents' wishes. Did my sister have any obligation to use my mother's money exclusively for my mother? Mother had no idea of my sister's reasons to travel abroad, believing she was seeking work in "International Law" , but in actuality, we learned after mother's death, that sister was pursuing an interest in the paranormal, attending regular meetings of international ufological societies and at my mother's expense, transmitting their proceedings to a small radio audience-for no compensation. Sister also made significant donations to both church and ufological causes/organizations. Sister insists Mother always knew and approved her activities. Mother often complained that "the money is being spent too quickly," but I did not realize the extent to which sister was spending. I believe she squandered, while my mother was alive, what my parents had intended for my mother's care and after her death, for us to share. Can sister be called to any accounting for her expenditures? and reimburse the estate? Or does her insistence that "mother let her do it" consist of a gift my mother willingly gave to her.

Answer

If your mother did in fact allow your sister to do these things, then the money was freely given. You sister had no duty to use this money for your mother's sake, based on the facts you've provided.

However, many factors can play into an arrangement between elder parents and adult children. Unfortunately, proving any of them requires having actual proof, which is hard to obtain. It's possible that your mother gave your sister access to the money for convenience only in assisting your mother and as reasonable compensation for doing so. In that instance, some form of trust would have been created where your sister would have a duty to use the money for your mother's benefit. But proving oral trusts is incredibly difficult.

It could also be the case that your mother never REALLY wanted your sister to do these things but your sister put undue influence on your mother via threats, etc. and your mother relented. But, again, unless there is evidence (such as a letter or email from your mother), it is very hard to prove.

I am sorry for the situation you are in and for how your mother may have felt if she was, in fact, taken advantage of. But without some solid proof, there are no laws broken. While your sister may have acted very poorly as a daughter and sister, she may not have violated any legal duties.

Again, I'm sorry for your situation. If any new information comes to light, I would be happy to help.

Steve